…Still Have to Pack!

(… no, I don’t mean THAT kind of Pack… or maybe I do need to do that too…       What I mean is:

In less than 24 hours, I will be on a plane. Ultimately I am headed many places, but one of the main destinations is the US Social Forum.

I don’t like to make promises I can’t keep, because I am sure there will be MUCH to do there….BUT I will do my best to talk about it here.  (Stay tuned?)

Today, I was part of a small fun contingent of sex workers at the Dyke March. A couple of women joined us who were visiting from London. They were so excited to be in a place where sex workers were out, and celebrated. And it was super exciting to have them join us!

Yay.

Tomorrow is going to be a busy fun day…..Still many activities to go for Pride, and then I am out of here!

Big Kisses to San Francisco, oh how I love you!

“Happy Queer Christmas!”

says Sadie with such glee into my voicemail.

Indeed.

Actually I missed most of the trans march and what-not festivities because I had rehearsal with Harvey (for the show that I am writing: come see a piece of it that I am previewing at the Sex Workers Festival:  Somarts July 22 http://www.sexworkerfest.com/ )

Then, I had a client.  In the middle of our sesssion, and high from our play, I sent a silent thought out for Sequoia.  At that very moment, someplace nearby some folks were doing a little ceremony for her, and though I could not be there, a bit of me was there in spirit.

I ran over to the park and saw some friends from work, and hung out, eating carrots listening to the Floating Corpses play several yards away.

And then, it was a goodbye party for a dear friend, and a make-out session with a hot girl with a dready mohawk and a hand-made corset vest.

As I flew home on my bicycle, the wave of triumph of a happy day moved through my sweating body.

My Heart Hurts, and a bit of Hope

I am a bit sad that so much of what I have posted lately is so incredibly heavy.

Tonight I am putting out the intention of writing more about what is so beautiful about my community and the people that are in it.

I had another Mission outreach shift tonight.  I stopped by the clinic during open hours to pack my bag, so I saw a lot of my friends.  Kimberly made fun of me for riding my bicycle on the sidewalk, and threatened to write me a ticket.  She said she was on the force of “Concerned Citizens”  and I could not be doing that.

“Just give me a hug, ” I said, as she continued on her joke which, whether she intended it to really be so or not, was a good reminder.

I finally got my hug and went inside and grabbed some food.  There was good food tonight:  salad, and cooked greens which were really tasty.  I went to the kitchen area to grab a fork, and got another hug from Ronnie.  Ronnie was a good friend of Sequoia’s.  She said she is doing better this week.  Thank goodness.  I hope everyone is remembering to take care of themselves.  When things get rough, we have to remind each other.   And thank goodness for that.

Earlier this year, Stephany Joy shared a cigarette with me when I was having a rough day, and talked about how hard it is to remember to practice Harm Reduction on ourselves.  I remembered that conversation tonight, after my outreach shift, as I decompressed over a beer and a cigarette.

The Mission was dead tonight.  A participant told me that a couple of bodies were found in a plastic bag, and that there had also been shots on 18th Street.   There has been too much of this.

Perhaps the mission is raising its angry head against the move to kick everybody out and a bit of the old violence returns.   Clearly current methods of dealing with the down and out are not working so well.

Last night, as an audience member of Dance Down the Lock Down at Intersection for the Arts, a group of high school boys rapped about Silencing the Violence – a slogan created by young people to resist the urge to join gangs and to join in the violence.   They were amazing.   Young people are so smart.  It is really nice to hear them articulate issues facing their community and to know that they are organizing against it.

Today I got a lot of work done on the section of the Sex Worker’s Resource Manual I am working on.   I am covering the arts section, because dammit, we need more sex workers raising their brilliant voices about their experience, shedding light on the complexity of their situation.   And I need to be writing this section for myself, just as much as for others, because it reminds me that I am lucky to be living in a place where there are many organizations supporting art for social justice.  And it reminds me, too, to be raising my own voice – not just about that which I am angry about, but that I am angry because I also have so much love.   It feels good to care.

….Which is some consolation for all the terrible injustice, the losses I have faced – at least I care, and at least I see everyone else caring.

The woman in her high heels, and short dress who told me about the deaths in the Mission tonight said that she cared.  And she said that others cared.  The police, the lawmakers, the journalists may not seem to care, and yet my community does care.   And so we will fight back.

And I find myself humbled by this woman and her ability to care, and I am humbled by Ronnie who is doing better than last week, and I am humbled by Kimberly who always manages to make me laugh when times are heavy.

What amazing beautiful people these all are – and they are all sex workers.   We sex workers are strong -not just for being able to survive, but for continuing to have a feeling heart when it would be less painful to make it shut down.

Newsom going through with Budget Cuts

More street sweeps it is.

*sigh*

Its just getting worse.

http://www.sfbg.com/entry.php?entry_id=3893

Disposable People

Recently my friend Sequoia, was found dead in Golden Gate Park. Sequoia was Native American , transgender, and a street based sex worker. All of these things: her being brown, trans, a hooker (street-based at that) mean that apparently her death is meaningless.

Perhaps it is because there is an investigation underway. Now, basically the only officially known details are that it was her dead body that was found in Golden Gate Park. Since that was not exactly one of her hang-out spots, and given the fact that three other brown transwomen have been murdered this year, my guess is that she was killed.

Is there anything in the papers about it? No.

Has there been anything in the newspapers about the other deaths? Minimal.

Is there even an investigation going on? I don’t know. There had better be.

The reality is that people in charge of such things don’t seem to care. Why? Because even in San Francisco, our government and society is racist, trans-phobic, and sex worker-phobic.

I am still so angry and upset that I cannot write much about it right now. But I will continue to, and I demand that other people pay attention to this. Please, if you give a damn, please tell your community about Sequoia.

She was a beautiful, strong spirit. Most of the times when I would see her she had a big femme flower in her hair and a smile on her face. The last time I saw her, I was doing reiki in the community room at the clinic. The acupuncturists were doing ear acupuncture right next me, and she sat on the other side, just smiling and listening to the unusually hopeful conversations that were happening that day. The acupuncturists asked her if she needed anything, and she just smiled and said no, thank you, and continued to sit in her chair and smile.

She is very loved, and very missed, and my community and I are all very angry and heart-broken that she had to go out like this.

Counting the Losses: Another Transgender Death

I found out yesterday that another community member’s body was found in Golden Gate Park.

This is devastating.  It makes me very sad and angry.

She was beautiful, transgender, and a sex worker. You know her life was never easy, and it makes me so sad that she had to go out like this.

The last time that I saw her, she was smiling.

I will write more later.

Until then, light a candle, and be nice to sex workers, dammit.

Dialogue?

Living where I do, and surrounding myself with the community that I do, I sometimes forget that I live in a bubble.  Can you believe that?  A queer sex worker artist (insert various labels of alternative here) living in the United States lives in a bubble?

Well, in San Francisco, yes I do.  I remember that any time I return home and revisit environments and cultural attitudes that I left for a reason.   And it has done great good for me to be in a safe, supportive, non-judgemental environment.   It is why I finally have noticed that I experience some contentment and happiness, even though I see things that break my heart and make me really angry on a daily basis.

So, I wanted to jump into the blog realm to maybe create some dialogue around things about my reality that a lot of people have harmful judgements about.  Also, I think it is important that people who have the time and resources to be on the internet hear about things that maybe are not their daily reality, and sometimes involve people who are not so well off that they have the time and resources to spend in the internet realm.

I left a comment on BoundNotGagged to which someone name Jaxon recently responded:

The stigma will never be removed. Prostitutes harm themselves and break up families. Why should that ever be considered a good thing?

Wendy should thing about this really hard. Why is prostitution marginalized (hint: not because of old sexually repressive stereotypes). It’s because a society cannot thrive if the central child-rearing unit cannot exist. If you go around breaking up people’s homes, you are just creating more single families, more screwed up children, and more divisions between women.

When will prostitution be destigmatized? When we no longer give a crap about children and families and the concept of love. (aka never)

***

So, maybe, my impulse would be to not respond as clearly this person is not someone worth trying to have a dialogue with.

And then, maybe it is time for me to check my own judgements and try, since I happen to have the time and energy to do tonight.

Clearly Jaxon and I are coming from different places.

But hey, I care about love.  In fact, I am kind of a romantic.  And I feel love every day for so many people!

And I care about the well-being of people, especially children.  So maybe Jaxon and I have a couple of things in common.

Here is my response:

Jaxon,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and beliefs. With all due respect, I would love to know more about why you think that sex workers break up homes. It is a common belief. It is not one that I agree with, but I would love to hear what you have to say about it. Of course, since you are asking me to think about what I am doing, I ask that you also take a moment and try to understand where I am coming from.

I know and understand the practices of safer sex, and I can teach them to others. And not just regular sex, but all sorts of kinks and fantasies that someone might be into. I know how to make a safe space for fantasy to be enacted in a safe, and consensual manner.

And this feels good. It does me good to share this knowledge with others, because the sex that I engage with is a learning and positive experience.

Now, here is what may seem like a crazy thought: I don’t think that sex workers break up families. In fact, sex workers often save marriages!

How?

If a client is married and wishes to see me, the client is often wishing to maintain his marriage while getting some outside needs met that won’t hurt anyone. Instead of going to a bar, getting drunk and picking up a stranger (where drunken anonymous sex is much more of a setup for risky behavior that could harm others), instead of having an affair with someone at his or her work (and cause potential drama in the workplace as well as the home AND jeopardize the job), a client is negotiating activities with me.

Maybe a client has a certain fantasy or sexual act that he can not perform with his his/her partner. Maybe this sexual need can be met without having to break up with the partner. Maybe this sexual need requires someone safe, knowledgeable and non-judgemental. This is where I come in.

Many of my clients are not married, and for whatever reason do not have a partner, but would (as they are human) like to get some sexual needs met in a way that is simple.

I have no interest in breaking up other people’s relationships. If possible, I help them strengthen relationships – sometimes my clients are couples who wish to explore and learn from a professional.

Also, I agree that love is something this world needs more of, and I respect and honor that. It is love that makes art, that heals a community, and raises a child.

I feel a great deal of love to my community, my friends, colleagues, and the families that are my neighbors. I am really excited because I am about to become an aunt, and I will take part in raising a child.

I want health and love and social justice.

I also am a sex worker, good at what I do, and I enjoy what I do, and what comes out of my sessions is positive and constructive.

I understand that this is difficult for many people to understand, but I ask that you please try to hear what I am saying as a possibility. It may not be your reality, but it is the reality for many people.

Palm Trees versus People

Out in the Mission again….

I have been doing outreach for two years, and I have watched the street populations dwindle.   Recently it seems as though there is nobody out.   Tonight there were people in the streets – it was a nice night, and yet even the 16th and Mission area was not the overwhelming swamp of people as it has been in the past.

Its so depressing.   Less people in the streets is not a good sign.  Maybe for Newsom’s easy solution for cleaning up the city…..But the act that there are less people in the streets is not because people’s lives are getting better.   It is because they have  been pushed out or thrown into jail.

Meanwhile, the 16th and Mission BART station is starting to look like Disneyland:  New Blue metal railings, fresh concrete, that is just a little too clean, and those damned palm trees: the ultimate farce and metaphor for the plight of the city, and the tradition of this country:  bring in the non-indigenous species and push out those who were here first.

Palm trees stand out for a reason:  As the northern California is no ideal climate for them, they don’t belong.
I remember about a year ago, walking down 6th street, past SRO’s badly in need of some renovation, and there were these palm trees planted near 6th and Harrison that cost some ridiculous millions of dollars.

Yes, plant some palm trees so that the people buying condos can feel like they are living some place nice, while, there are all these people in the street in the SRO’s.  Money put to good use.

Somebody is making money.   And it makes me so mad.  Gentrification is decades in the making.   It has always been the plan.  And still, so many “For Sale” signs plague the neighborhoods of San Francisco:  a promise of more rich people, and less people who are likely to be rich:  people of color, artists, activists….

What will become of San Francisco?  I love this town.  I love riding my bike everywhere and, as the sky turns pink and the hills start to twinkle, feeling grateful that I live in such a beautiful and culturally rich place   Gentrification will strip the city of its color.  It is already happening.

As my outreach partner and I crossed the street to talk to one last little group of people, I had the strange sensation that I was temporary .

And I wondered how long doing street outreach would be our jobs?  How long would it take for everybody to be thrown in jail, or given their bus ticket to some place else?

As we finished our shirt, we saw a more and more familiar sight:  the cops driving around with the bright headlights on, announcing their intention to clear the streets.

Please, fight this gentrification.  Don’t buy your fancy new condo or brand new house, in this neighborhood.  Demand REAL affordable housing:  quality affordable housing that all the working class, and immigrant families can truly afford to live in.   Support harm reduction, and community run clinics, and spaces for the arts and community building that is available to ALL not just those with money…

One of my Heroes: Sadie Lune

One of my favorite whores, is my good friend Sadie.

In one of my very first meetings of her, she had absinthe and was accepting offers for all sorts of trades for some of her absinthe. We were both at this big camping party with about 300 people, and earlier that night, I had tasted her fish that she was handing out to friends and strangers.

The first two things I discovered about Sadie is that she is an amazing cook and is very generous.

She also is one of those intriguing types, who you really want to just sit with them for hours asking them about who they are and what they think. I remember being a bit intimidated by her: Often people who are clearly talented and strong and unique have that affect on me…

Anyway, she was accepting trades for some absinthe, and so I offered my whipping skills. I had been working as a pro-domme for about a year at this time. As I did not know her yet, it was to pleasant surprise that she accepted. She was excited that I was pro-domme and said that she was a sex worker too, and was very sex-positive.

And then, I got really excited, too, because this sexy cool woman who I already respected was showing interest. I said that I was sex positive, too, though I had never heard the term before she uttered it just now.  But it sounded like something I would like, and want to be… Over the years, Sadie has taught me what it means to be sex positive,  and a slut with an open heart.

If you ever hang out with this woman on Valentine’s Day you will know what I mean. She will have the most perfect presents for each of her loves and lovers, and will make and take special individual time for each and every one of them on Valentine’s Day. Personally, I have never been a fan of the holiday. I tend to get all caught up in the fact that like everything else in this culture, it has been degraded and blasphemized by capitalism….which isn’t fair, as Sadie has shown me. She returns the sacred-ness to this holiday of showing people that you love them.
Sadie has this amazing way of transcending stereotypes and boxes and finding the sacredness in things where it seems like sacredness is lost. She has had this capability ever since i have known her, and every time i take a step back and look at this amazing, gorgeous talent of hers, i am humbled and inspired. What a rare heart she has!

Over the years, we have collaborated in sex work in many different ways – a lot of skill and resource sharing, we have promoted and referred clients to one another, and of course, we have done doubles together. However, the most important part of collaboration is our friendship. As often goes with the people we love the most, and know the best, we go through our hard times. But, we continue to work through those hard times. Sadie has helped me to learn to sit in the shit, and to stick around.

…and then when things are rough otherwise, she is there. She has been such a huge part of the reason why I am an empowered sex worker: strong community. How much easier it is to make the good choices when I have someone with whom to share my concerns, questions, desires and fears! Not just that, but someone who will listen without judgement. It is so important to have someone to share the difficult and embarrassing stories with, and also to have someone who understands the beauty and inspiration that can be found in sex work.

I have so many great Sadie stories. Just yesterday, when we were hanging out, she had me in tears, I was laughing so hard! Girlfriend is brilliant: super smart, talented, and witty. I am so grateful to know her.

Check out Sadie’s art here:

www.sadielune.com

Lawsuit against the “Pledge” and USAID Policy

http://www.kaisernetwork.org/daily_reports/rep_index.cfm?DR_ID=45305