Transgender Day of Remembrance

“They celebrate that in Berlin, too?” asked Tumeka after I showed her the poster from the Berlin demo.  Later, I asked her where she thought it should go in the clinic…on the front door!

There is a march happening in San Francisco, as I type.   That sickness I managed to keep at arms length the entire time I was traveling, hit me full force as soon as I got home…therefore I am not out there marching in  person, but in spirit.

So many dear people in my life are trans.   Today, I am also remembering the transgender friends I have lost, and can’t help but believe that their deaths may have been prevented if their hadn’t been a huge stigma weighing against them day after day.

I feel like its kind of cold to quote numbers from research, but sometimes it helps get a point across.   According to research from the St. James Infirmary, transgender sex workers are the most at risk for violence against them from both clients and police.   They are also the most at risk for arrest. And you know, I have seen the harassment of street based workers who are transgender, and I can’t imagine how I would feel having to put up with that day after day.

And you know, the other groups working with sex workers in the Balkans said the same thing – people who are transgender are the most at risk for all of these things.

It is just clear that we need to work hard to deal with this stigma, and fight for transgender rights…

But speaking of Remembrance…I was just remembering that it is just about the two year anniversary since my dear friend Rebis died.

I met Rebis at the St. James Infirmary.  This was a long time ago, before either of us worked there.  We were both there for services.  I remember it being one of those instant connections – we both kept giving each other funny looks, and laughing.  It was only later, maybe not even that night that we first learned each other’s names.

A little while later, strangely enough, (ok, laugh at me if you want for this) we ran into each other at Burning Man.   Bree, as they were called then, gave me Reiki for a cold I was recovering from.   I remember the Reiki really working well.  And then, we ended up spending the entire night together – climbing on weird burning man art, or falling over onto our backs in the middle of the desert, and the middle of nowhere, in order to laugh at the full moon….until some strange comedians came upon us,  preaching in fake southern accents, and making us laugh until we cried.   I remember discovering how well we danced together – we were both performers, and really enjoyed dancing in weird care-free ways….Many of the moments I treasure most about Rebis involved dancing and laughing.  This night we stayed up until the sun rose – the night that we became friends is one of the most amazing nights of my life.

Later, we did a trade, where I trained them to be a pro-domme, and they gave met my second reiki attunement.

And I remember the day Rebis introduced himself as such and told me he had begun transitioning. I was actually at the Sex Worker Film and Art show, curated by the fabulous Scarlot Harlot.  My friend Qilo was performing their amazing typewriter dance piece, and there were several performances by different Debbys- an activist sex worker performance art group from Australia.  Rebis was there selling the Debby’s sex worker schwag – stickers and tee-shirts and more… (I bought one of the tee-shirts – it is one of my favoirtes still because it has “Outlaw Whore’ silk-screened on it, and a tiny patch in the corner that says ‘whore lover’)

Rebis actually was the person who told me about the outreach job opening at St. James.  At the time, I was looking for some ’straight-work.’  He also told me that sometimes they are hiring for people to do Reiki – and I have been doing both at St. James for several years, and now I am the coordinator for outreach, and  doing reiki, is one of my favorite parts about working at the clinic.

I remember when he came back from this trip to Asia.  His voice had dropped significantly, and I almost did not recognize it was him on the phone.  He  told me he had been having a hard time, that his family was having a hard time with his transition.   Rebis was looking for work, and so we ended up sharing this one gig, where we worked the door for Mondo Porno.  We had to dress up – maybe not just for the event’s aesthetic, but for ourselves as well.  He borrowed this amazing blue suit from Naomi – it had been her grandfathers…and again I remember when our shift was finally over, dancing to the last set of music before taking off to get food at Orphan Andy’s.

The last time I saw Rebis was actually at St. James, as well.  We were both getting ear acupuncture, and he would giggle every time he felt energy from the needles move.  He was extremely sensitive to it, maybe from being a reiki master?  I don’t know, I know I got more sensitive after I was attuned…anyway he would close his eyes, giggle and point his finger and say, “zoom!”   We both laughed so hard, that I think everyone in the community room was infected with a good mood.

Rebis was an amazing spirit in the world.  I think everybody loved him.  He also really had a major affect on my life that I still feel today.  I miss him….